Stop Eating Belts
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I was in the bathroom the other day when inspiration hit me:

"I know what people want to read about! Bacteria!"

"Bingo!", I hear you think out loud to yourself.

When a person relieves themself in the restroom, or I suppose anywhere they choose, they must shift their clothing in some manner. When they are finished, the aforementioned clothing must be shifted back to a position that will prevent criminal charges. After the post-shift, some people choose to wash their hands.

Point: You unshifted your clothes before washing your hands. This means that some of those cooties you diligently scrub off are domiciling in your shifted clothes. Not sanitary, but you'll likely wash your clothes before wearing them again.

Now. Think about any belts that belong to one of these events. When is the last time you washed a belt?

Isn't that gross?


Anonymous Sister said...

Wow as if I wasn't paranoid enough about germs and not touching anything in a bathroom...

1/05/2006 3:59 PM  
Blogger enderC said...

This is precisely why I've decided to stop using the restrooom.

A few notes: If I had a single square of TP for every time I've said the first sentence in your post to myself, I'd be Charmin double-rolling it up.

Secondly, the phrase "post-shift" has one too many f's.

1/06/2006 12:43 PM  
Blogger Clint said...

Ya know... I thought about making a "shift" joke, but thought I should avoid such obvious toilet humor in my family-oriented blog.

Think of the children.

1/06/2006 12:47 PM  
Blogger enderC said...

True story: A few years ago, I came up with what I thought was a kick-ass company name - Shift One Technologies. The logo would be a stylized exclamation point. The problem occurred when I went to register the domain name and saw what looks like in a browser window.

Ultimately I decided to can the idea (oh my ribs) but I always wondered how many accidental hits I'd get from the pervs out there who can't type.

And, because I can't help myself: Surely your family can take a little shift every once in awhile.

1/06/2006 3:54 PM  
Blogger Clint said...

Humor, clean:
I want to work for Shift Four Technologies.

Humor, toilet:
You should call your company Shift Eater instead. That would drive more traffic.

1/06/2006 4:05 PM  
Blogger the mom said...

i wonder what lysol would do to a belt?

1/10/2006 7:55 PM  
Blogger enderC said...

Disinfect it?

1/11/2006 9:02 PM  
Blogger the mom said...

funny guy, enderc. that's my point.

1/12/2006 5:22 PM  
Blogger enderC said...

A belt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a Long Island Iced Tea, 2 Buds, a shot of Tequila, and...." The bartender interrupts him and says, "Hey, hold up."

I just made that up.

1/12/2006 7:28 PM  
Blogger the mom said...

that's obvious.

1/13/2006 9:02 AM  
Blogger enderC said...

Obvious walks into a bar. The bartender says something to him that is funny.

1/13/2006 12:53 PM  
Blogger Clint said...

Subtle walks into a bank brandishing a leather strap with a buckle on one end and yells, "This is a belt!"

1/13/2006 1:06 PM  
Blogger enderC said...

Irony walks out of a bar. Nothing funny happens or is said.

He's late for his appointment with Alanis.

1/14/2006 1:53 AM  
Anonymous freckles said...

can we please be done with this now!!!!!

1/14/2006 1:55 AM  
Blogger enderC said...

freckles walks into a barn. She asks the barntender, "why the long face?"

1/14/2006 1:57 AM  
Blogger Clint said...

Alanis and Freckles walk into a bar. Freckles spots a mutual friend and says, "Hey, it's Irony." Alanis inquires, "Isn't it Ironic?"

1/14/2006 2:00 AM  
Blogger the mom said...

enderc and clint...oh, what's the use.

1/14/2006 12:51 PM  

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