Neuron Pink Slips
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
I have a problem remembering Jeff Goldblum's name. I had to go to and do a search for "The Fly" just for the first sentence. What is it about Mr. Goldblum's name that makes it so hard to remember? Any time I try to recall his name, I dig through the pile of everything else I know about him: trademark stuttered delivery, propensity for playing the eccentrically hip scientist, turned into a large insect, etc. What I can never pin down is his name.

If my head were an office complex, and the various parts of my brain were the employees, the neuron in charge of remembering celebrity names would be worthless. I'd intercom him and ask him the name of that scientist guy in Independence Day and he wouldn't answer. I'd walk up to his cubicle and notice that he was playing Tetris. As usual. Being polite, I'd give a 'just-walking-up-and-haven't-seen-anything-yet' warning with, "Hey Neuron-342". Neuron-342 would fumble for his mouse and minimize everything but his email client. "You have the name of that actor I was needing yet?"

"Oh, no... I was, uh... well, I'm almost done, just need to tweak it a bit," he awkwardly replies. In reality, he's hoping that I'll walk away soon, because he's on level 10 and isn't sure if he paused it or just minimized. His well-placed blocks are in serious jeopardy.

At this point I typically give up and ask someone else (non-Neuron) or search for it. Why do I consistently struggle with a specific actor's name? You'd think my brain would have a headshot of Goldblum above the water cooler with his name in Sharpie by now.


Blogger Balloon Pirate said...

You can't remember his name because you know that you can't remember his name. The head's funny that way.

To illustrate: A while back two guys got hired at the same time at my work. Seth and Sean. Seth was a great guy. Sean was a fat slob. Shortly after they were hired I inadvertantly called Seth 'Sean.' We laughed it off, but a few days later, I saw Seth walking towards me, and the brain went into panic mode: 'I called him the wrong name last time! Don't want to make that mistake again. Seth not Sean Seth not Sean Sheth not Swan Stech not Spawn...'

"Hi Sean."


After that, it was every freakin' time.

Even now, years later, after Sean is just a smelly memory, I'm far more likely to call Seth "dude," just because I don't want to screw it up again.


11/03/2005 12:09 PM  
Blogger Clint said...

That's an interesting theory. More plausible than my neurons wanting a raise.

You could have combined the names and called him Szechuan.

11/03/2005 2:48 PM  
Blogger Guy Wonders said...

Just after reading this entry, I turned on the television.

The first thing I saw was an episode of "King of the Hill."

Guess who the guest voice was on this episode? Jeff Goldblum.

Coincidence? Probably.

11/03/2005 10:26 PM  
Blogger Clint said...

...or just maybe -

No, you're right.

As a sidenote, I just failed my word verification. I didn't know you had to be a puzzle whiz to post a comment!

11/04/2005 12:14 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home