Presidential Scheduling
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
A Glimpse into the Life of President George Walker Bush
Republican Version

5:00am President wakes and goes for a morning jog, to stay healthy. This keeps him physically and mentally fit. President Bush rescues a small kitten from a tree during his run.

6:00am President eats a sensible breakfast and prepares for a long day making important decisions. President briefly pauses in front of a mirror and contemplates his own existence and the weight of responsibility he carries.

7:00am President Bush meets with National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice to discuss current threats to freedom. The President explains to Condi which ones he believe pose the greatest risk and why. Condi thanks President Bush for his wisdom and insight.

8:00am President Bush speaks with foreign allies via telephone conference call. He calms the worries of the other leaders and confidently asserts that justice will be done. The call ends with a telephone ovation for the President's consistent and powerful leadership.

10:00am The President sits down with a bipartisan group of senators to discuss upcoming legislation. He serves as a masterful guide, both explaining his opinions and accepting compromise when needed. At the end of the meeting, the senators are invigorated and eager to work together.

12:00pm President breaks for lunch with his wife, First Lady Laura Bush.

1:00pm President takes some time out of his long and busy day to reflect, meditate, and rest. This will help him keep up his furious pace and stay alert for those who count on him.

A Glimpse into the Life of President George Walker Bush
Democrat Version

5:00am Mr. Bush drags out of bed and runs outside. The Secret Service corral him and bring him back to the White House.

6:00am George eats a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and laughs at the jokes on the box. He makes a mental note to remember those for the conference call later today. He sees a mirror and takes the opportunity to make funny faces and call himself "Mr. President" repeatedly.

7:00am Condoleezza Rice cannot find George. He is hiding because he thinks these morning talks are "boring". Condi finds Mr. Bush hiding behind the shrubs outside his office. Condi reads through the list of current threats and explains again how it can be the "middle" and "east".

8:00am George W. listens in on a conference call with foreign allies. He makes "talky" hands and silently mocks the leaders when they disagree with him. The call ends after George's Fruity Pebble jokes bomb.

10:00am Mr. Bush calls in leaders from Exxon and congratulates them on their recent profit announcements. He asks Exxon which country they want next.

12:00pm George refuses to work until he has his PB&J sandwich, with crust removed. Mr. Bush tries the Fruity Pebble jokes on his wife as she opens his Capri Sun for him. She smiles and nods.

1:00pm His hunger satisfied, George decides to take a nap instead of actually working like the rest of us.

Somewhere there's bound to be a happy medium-- between George the Chimp and President Bush the Freedom Fighter. I'm somewhere in right field when it comes to politics, but I'm not afraid to accept flaws and shortcomings of elected officials. I'm also not convinced that every liberal is commie pinko.

...and honestly, who designed the Capri Sun packaging?


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